We Love Each Other, So Why Does It Feel So Hard?

Most couples don’t arrive at relationship counselling because they’ve stopped loving each other.

More often, they arrive because they still love each other, and it’s exactly the reason it can feel so painful.

You might be sitting here reading this because something feels off between you and your partner. Maybe you fight more than you used to. Maybe you hardly fight at all, and you just don’t feel close anymore. Maybe you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, or like you’re shouting into a void, or like you’re living alongside a stranger who used to feel like home.

And a part of you might be thinking: If we love each other, shouldn’t this be easier?

It’s a very good question.

But love doesn’t protect relationships from stress, misunderstandings, past wounds, or emotional disconnection. In fact, sometimes love is exactly what makes things feel so intense when they go wrong.

Over time, life has a way of quietly getting in between two people. Work, children, exhaustion, financial pressure, grief, health issues, or simply the busyness of daily life can slowly pull you apart. You might not even notice it at first - until one day, you’re looking at the other person and wondering, how did we get here?

What I often see in my work with couples is that difficulty in relationships rarely means something is broken. More often, it means something important is trying to be understood.

When communication starts to feel strained, when conflict keeps looping in the same painful ways, or when distance creeps in, it’s usually because both partners are doing their best to protect something vulnerable inside themselves. One of you might become more withdrawn, quieter, or emotionally distant. The other might become more critical, anxious, or desperate to feel reassured.

Neither of these responses mean you don’t care. In fact, they usually mean you care very deeply; but you’re both caught in patterns that make it hard to truly reach each other.

The work that we do in this space isn’t about deciding whether you should stay together or proving who is right. It’s about slowing things down enough to understand what’s really happening between you.

In my sessions, I aim to create a space where both of you can feel heard, where your emotions make more sense, and where you can begin to see each other more clearly - not as adversaries, but as two people trying to navigate something hard together.

Sometimes, the most powerful shift in counselling isn’t a dramatic breakthrough, but a quiet moment of understanding: Oh — this is why you react that way. And this is why I do too.

If you’re feeling stuck, disconnected, or worn down by the same arguments repeating themselves, you’re not alone. Many couples find themselves here at some point in their relationship.

And it doesn’t mean your love has failed.

Often, it just means your relationship is asking for more care, more understanding, and more support than you can give it alone.

If you’re ready, you can Book a couples session here →] or text me on 0422 322 828 to find out my next available appointment.